I and Thou Book Review

Perhaps the most foundational text from my undergrad and graduate school experience– is I and Thou by Martin Buber.  While it is short and sweet, it also contains within its roughly 120 pages– some of the most dense and compelling thoughts on relationships and how humans relate in the world.  Martin Buber, a Jewish theologian, wrote this book in the 1920s, and it has gone on to see much success and influence various thinkers across countless disciplines.  I and Thou has garnered a special place in the field of psychology and psychotherapy– especially that of Relational psychodynamic therapy.  

I and Thou focus on the two main modes of how we relate to others in the world.  Buber makes a distinction between these two modes, naming them the I-It mode and I-Thou mode. I use the term mode here loosely, as it is hard to nail down relating in such a way.  The I-It way of relating is seen when we objectify the Other, and the world we inhabit.  We often strip humanity from the other, and reduce them to objects for our use.  This is the basic and normal way in which we move through the world– and is not inherently a bad thing.  But, when taken to its extremes– the greatest of violence occurs. The other way of relating, the I-Thou stance, is a genuine encounter, wherein I see the Other in the wholeness of their Being, and confirm and respect them in their Otherness.  In this way, I do not use the Other, or seek to use them as an object to my means.  The Other is an end-in-and-of-themselves.  

This genuine encounter, the I-Thou stance, is what we are striving for in relational psychodynamic therapy.  And is the basis for the theory and philosophical underpinnings of the Relationally-Focused Psychodynamic Therapy training program out of the Contemporary Psychodynamic Institute.  It is an authentic way of Being with the Other, that can help to facilitate true growth and change– through confirming the Other in the wholeness of their Being, difference, similarity, and all.  There is so much more that I can say about this book, as it truly is one of my favorites.  Nevertheless, if you would like to dive further into this work, I highly recommend I and Thou by Martin Buber.  It is one of the foundational texts for my way of working as a therapist.  And it is a book that changed my perspective on life and relationships.  I know that it can do the same for others.  Happy reading!