Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding has seeded its way into everyday vernacular.  In its more colloquial usage, trauma bonding refers to the bonding that happens between two individuals that have experienced the same traumatic situation or event– often at the same time.  Newstories of people growing close together after a plane rash or a natural disaster abound, deomnstrating the need for human connection in the ace of great and unbearable terror.  This bond serves to help protect the individuals and help regulate them emotionally and regulate their nervous system.  And this trauma bonding process has even been extended to individuals who simply share similar traumatic pasts, and thus growing closer in a short amount of time due to the shared experience.  

While I am not here to dismiss or take away this definition or notion of trauma bonding–I am here to bring some awareness to the original understanding of the term as it is used within the trauma therapy and psychoanalytic psychotherapy fields.  The original meaning of trauma bonding, referred to the process by which a victim bonds to the perpetrator of violence and abuse. In cases of abuse, the victim often does whatever they can do to survive– especially when in a trapped situation, for which escape is limited, if not impossible.  This happens most often in cases of cults or child abuse.  The individuals, or children, in those cases are often unable to escape from their situation, and depend on their captors or caregivers.  They depend on these individuals for survival, and thus will forgo their own needs in favor of holding onto the attachment to said figure, as a means to keep on living.  This identification with the aggressor, allows for the traumatic relationship to continue as is, until the individual can escape that situation.  Though, often the effects upon the psyche of the individual, often results in the person wanting to protect the aggressor, or bury feelings of their own aggression towards the  perpetrator.  Though this is not always the case, it is important to understand that this is a normal defensive process that takes place to keep the captive individual or child going.  

All of this is to say that trauma bonding has its roots in the relationship between victim and perpetrator.  It's about the bond and connection between the two, and the distorted relationship that emerges.  Hopefully this has been helpful or enlightening in some way.  If you, or someone you know has experienced trauma of this nature, and are struggling with breaking free of traumatic situations– please reach out to a trauma therapist, who can help you get out of said situation and start to heal.